5.10.06

Steel Love

collaboration brings creation. this is a poem written in response to "Steal" and "Love" read together and as one piece. though, "Steal" and "Love" are still seperate pieces, when i read them together, this is what wants to come out:

Steel Love
just outside the citadel
she gazes outward
"deep void," she says,
"where am i?"
wrapped in her shawl,
the red thread embracing her then running from her
she reads the dark sky and thinks,
i am so small.

later, inside the hall
the crumbs mix with the sauce
where the laughter of a full room
echoes unlike the tattered shirts they wear,
and there is satisfaction in her stomach.
"thank you," she thinks,
eyes open on the poor.

many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all

"deep void," she thinks again,
"my name, it's here."
lifting her head to be kissed

she is wildflower and dust
He watches her closely
and does not let harm befall her.
with wool and flax she still likes the spindle best
faithfulness the colour of chrome
is the thing that makes her face shine,
and wisdom is the cake she bakes.
i love you too,
deep void replies.

3 Comments:

At 6:38 p.m., Blogger valerie salerie said...

i realized today that i love God. i love my God, and it brought me to tears.
but as i thought of this and sat inside His felt love, i realized that i've loved Him before.
i wanted to write a poem about this, and before i did i read through "Steal" and "Love" and remembered how my love for God produced such songs (and poetry is song, with melodies of ink). i saw how my love for Him has changed; deepened; been refined; constantly being purged and purified.
and so i wanted to respond to God, the One i love, with a poem, but not with one that is seperate from my journey with Him from before, i.e. as marked in "Steal" and "Love", but a sort of continuation of that. b/c love grows, right?

the woman in the poem is me: today, and what i hope to become (Provb 31) it is me saying "i love You" in the prosaic and ordinary and noble and virtuous things of my life, my heart. i try to demonstrate that in endurance to obey there is love. afterall, those who love God obey Him. i've tried also to capture my negligence and doubts in the address "deep void", and repeated question "where am i?"
by the end of the poem, i think it transformed itself into something different than what i originally had in mind, but i think i'll keep it as the first draft.

 
At 8:54 p.m., Blogger valerie salerie said...

i've decided that i really don't like this poem (anymore?) it's like one of those things i'd like to say "whoops, never mind"...

 
At 9:45 a.m., Blogger Erin said...

don't be so quick to "never mind" your writing, just because it does not define you (and it never does).

There is something deep to be said for first drafts...it's ok to be in process.

 

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